My Life Raft

I was 37 years old and my whole world as I knew it was swept right out from under me. My husband and I owned A franchise of Arnold bakery, we delivered bread to grocery stores. I had finished up my route, when I called my husband to see how much longer he had, he said he had just got a call from a store 30 minutes away that he needed to come back and reservice the store, so I went over to see him real quick before I went home. I get back home I’m sitting there resting, chilling out on the computer, when I get a frantic call from a girl that works at the store where he had went, telling me he had a seizure in the store and they were transporting him to the hospital, he had seizures so it wasn’t like it was anything different , it still made me nervous every time he had one, I get in the car with my son and we hurry over to the hospital, I’m thinking everything’s going to be alright, it always is, when I tell them I’m there to see him, they asked me if I can go sit in a separate room from the waiting room and I’m thinking what is this about, this is weird, when they come in the room and give me the news he was gone, I was like okay this isn’t real he just had a seizure everything’s fine ! No he was GONE ! They took me to see him, I kissed him on the lips, that was the worst thing that I could have ever done, they were so cold and awful I’ll never forget that ! I’m crying like crazy, here is my son with no license and I have to get us back home, I still have to be strong because I’m still a mom I still HAVE to be a mom ! The next few weeks were pretty much a blur, seriously, the next month, but I got through it if you want to call it that . When I got up every morning I smoked weed I smoked weed from the time I got up every morning to the time I went to bed every night all day long, locked up in my room, just to be void from life, I mean what was I thinking, I’m still a mom, wake up you have responsibilities I wasn’t even going to work, I didn’t know what to do, I mean really, what do you do ! I thought, you know what everytime I start crying I’m just going to pick up the Bible and start reading, you know what, that worked, still though, smoking weed from the time I got up to the time I went to bed !
   A lot of the stores that I had delivered to had taken up money for me,  I went by one of the stores because they told me they had something for me, as I was leaving I see one of the guys out in the parking lot that worked there, he was always friendly and nice, talked a lot, nothing out of the way,  I knew he was into cars and I had this old truck that my husband had that he couldn’t get to run so I told him I was wanting to sell it and he said he would come by and look at it . He gives me a call few days later, ask me how to get to my house so he can come look at that truck, he comes over walks up and gives me a hug, I’m not the hugging type so I turned to put my shoulder into the hug, well whatever didn’t think anything about it, everybody was hugging me, I was a mess and that’s what everybody does whenever somebody dies, they just hug hug hug so he looks at the truck says he’ll spread the word about it and  he stayed and talked a while, said if I wanted to get out of the house and hang out, as friends that would be cool, I was like, sure can’t have too many friends, so about a week or so passes, I’m in my room doing what I do best, getting high, crying, so lonely, so lonely, I get down on my knees next to the bed and start praying, please God, please send me a man that’s going to be good to me like my husband was, send me a man that is the answer to all my prayers, please God please, well as I was crying out to God no longer that I say Amen, the phone rang guess who it was, car guy, he was going to the drag strip and did I feel like hanging out ? I was like sure ( cuz I ain’t doing nothing here but crying ) I’m trying to get ready while I’m on the phone, because guess what he’s on his way to my house and all I’ve been doing is laying around feeling sorry for myself, we are talking a lot hanging out sitting on the benches watching the cars race, is it my imagination or is this guy getting closer to me everytime I turn my head back, hello, we’re bumping shoulders, but we were just going to be friends right ! so he is cute, sweet and did I mention we had everything in common, everything !  but by the way I got high before he got there so I still had a buzz and he is nowhere near the getting high or drinking kind of guy, this guy goes to church, he is a really good guy, the more we talked, the more we had in common, I mean its really fun hanging out with him, on the car ride home, that’s a good hour away,  I’m like oh my gosh how slow are we really going do I still have a buzz are we just doing 35 miles an hour, that’s ridiculous, we’re talking the whole way and then we stopped at a stop sign, what does he do but lean over and kiss me I was like, OMG, what happened to just being friends, we are back at my house, my son is still up we sat up and talk till 4 a.m. we’re perfect for each other, that’s it, perfect ! I’ve never been able to talk to anybody the way I can talk to him, every single day I see him for 2 weeks, by the second day it was all I could do not to blurt out, oh my gosh, I LOVE YOU!!  he felt the same exact way ! God was listening to my prayers he threw me a life raft and I’m hanging on so tight .
   I think we have to lose things to learn the appreciation of what we had and I appreciate every second !!


Aren't we cute on our honeymoon

Did I say it had only been 2 months since my husband had died, gasp !! well guess what I begged God to take the pain away and he did ! I’m sorry if it was only two months later, I’m sorry if I didn’t grieve long enough to suit everybody else’s needs, but 2 weeks after I had been seeing this guy every single day he asked me to marry him and I did because he didn’t want to spend another single day away from me and neither did I ! Well needless to say, my family was pissed everybody was pissed but I knew God threw me a  life raft and I was latching on, I hadn’t smoked weed in two whole weeks, I didn’t care if I ever saw it again,  the funny thing is, that first day we went to “hang out” that I was praying beside the bed he said something just told him to call me and see if I want to hang out, hello ! that was a message straight from God, because, he had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was praying to God to send him somebody that he had always been looking for .  Wake up people, appreciate every single thing you have because it could be taken away in the blink of an eye .


Lordy here we go again, on our way to Winston again, I just had a hysterectomy 8 days ago and I have been running here there and everywhere, I just want to be lazy and sit at home, no bath, no makeup, no nuthin, LAZY !! but it is my fault we are going today I have to get a release form signed that I very well could have done yesterday when we made this hour long drive, the hubs tried to tell me to open the packed yesterday and look at it, but as usual I was wrapped up in what was going on, blah blah blah… long story not so short I’m tired of living in the boonies an hour away from everything, lake living is the place for me, short drivin to what ever I ¬†need Oh please Lord let my sweet and deserving husband get this new job, his dream job ( Detroit Speed ) ¬†which is next to Lake Norman Yeessss!!! A place where we could eat at a different restaurant every day for a few months at least, the small crappy town we live in now has a handful of the same old crap I’m sick of this same old nuthin new, drug dealer bought the police department, Andy Griffith didn’t have a dang thing to do with tourist driven crappy crappy town i am ready for a change of scenery I want to walk in a store and nobody recognize me, please don’t take it wrong, I am truly blessed, we have way to many blessings to be complaining, but a change of scenery is in order !! To look at this from a different angle we have a perfectly good house further in the boonies, but my hubs wanted to move closer to this pitiful excuse of a town we work in, so he and his Ex, own a house there, just sitting empty, WHY NOT just move in it, here’s the real kicker, his Ex’s mom lives right next door, I don’t have anything against these people, but it is out of my comfort zone, WAY out, so as I stay hidden away inside all, the time because I feel like the enemy under a microscope, need I say more, I WANT OUT OF THIS TOWN !!